Cracked iPhone, Cluttered Mind

It happened. I did it. I cracked my brand new iPhone 4 screen. For any of you who have an iPhone, you know this is both a devastating and traumatically frequent event. This being my first time, I wasn't aware of the mental process. Considering I'm already the most melodramatic person ever, you can imagine 'the my life is over' attitude I adopted.

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Either way, I figure that shattering your iPhone is a feeling similar to losing your child at the mall on a Saturday and discovering your bank account is in negative numbers.

Stage one: utter panic coupled with a knot in your stomach and feeling like the world is crashing around you. In this stage, you have no idea what life will look like beyond the current trauma.
Stage two: attempt and rationalization at trying to fix the situation. During this phase, you are ignorantly positive about the outcome of the situation.
Stage three: realizing that you cannot, in fact, immediately turn the situation in your favor. Panic ensues, this time coming back in the form of snapping violently at anyone that tries to tell you 'it's going to be OK.' As a matter of fact, the simple phrase it's going to be OK, just might send you into a raging, cursing, outburst. Something that starts with, 'it's NOT going to be OK!!!!!!!!!!!!'
Stage four: get wasted. Apathetic mood sets in.
Stage five: wake up feeling like more shit than you did pre-iPhone destruction. In this stage, a part of you thinks what happened was a horrible nightmare, but your gut is saying it is real life, and real life sucks.

Well after 24 hours of feeling pretty sad for myself and my sorry phone that I admittedly think has capacity for human emotion, I decide to take action.


I have a lot of opinions about The Apple Store. HOWEVER, my negative feelings about The Apple Store have ADD. What I mean by this is, any complaints about The Apple Store tend to lose focus when presented with something shiny. Play this scenario out: you bitch about how long it's taking to talk to a 'Genius', how expensive something is, how many people are in the store, how hot and smother-y it is, and the high concentration of nerds that are better than you. As your mind is going off in a violent tangent at the ridiculousness that is The Apple Store, you see something that sparks your eye. Eh, maybe I'll just look at this. But I still hate it. Tap, tap, tap. Slide, slide, slide. Click, click....oh, wow....cool...that's...OMG! THIS IS THE MOST AMAZING THING I'VE EVER SEEN. YOU MEAN I CAN _________WHILE I _______???!!!?!?!?! MY QUALITY OF LIFE WILL SEVERELY SUFFER IF I DO NOT OWN THIS. At this point, The Apple Store is the best thing that has ever happened since Nintendo 64 and you are SOLD. Even though The Apple Store has caused you more anxiety in the last 20 minutes than you had during your entire first interview, you cannot live without it and must convert your entire technology collection into Mac products, TODAY. You have officially drank the purple drank that is The Apple Store. 

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The point is, I'm not going to complain about The Apple Store because, inevitably, I will look like an asshole. Currently using: iPhone, iPod, MacBook...need I go on?


Apple has the genius-ness of creating products that cause utter euphoria in their users, and when these products fail to work as we want them to, users experience pure anxiety and are completely helpless until their product is returned to a functioning state.


So I go to The Apple Store in Houston and put on my best pouty face, bat my eyelashes and hope for the best. I am embarrassed how many times I've used the line, 'I just moved to Houston.' Lucky for me, this Genius was a total sucker. I got a total iPhone replacement and didn't pay anything.  As a result, I'm feeling much more at ease with a crack-free phone. Anxiety relived. For now.

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Welcomes for the free advertising, Apple, Inc. Kudos.