Speeding.
Failure to obtain a Texas Driver's License.
Failure to register your vehicle in Texas.
Served.
Well the jist of it is, I've got commitment issues with getting a Texas DL and Texas tags, so I had put it off.
And off.
And off.
Nonetheless, I agreed to meet The City of Houston half-way and get a valid Texas driver's license.
One million dollars, and two hours later, I was a Texas citizen.
Can I just say, the DPS is the smelliest, most miserable place on Earth. At least I thought it was. Stay tuned.
Now the daunting task of going to court was upon me. Just the act of saying, going go court, is about enough to give me a full-blown panic attack.
When I think going to court, I picture this:
Sort of like when Dorothy meets Oz. That caliber of terror.
I have a friend that lives here in Texas, and coincidentally a similar situation happened to her. (I think it's an Oklahoma bias, no?) Anyway, she assured me that going to court was actually no big deal, and it was more just going to the judge's office and explaining yourself and paying your fees and leaving.
Office. I can handle that.
Judge. I can handle that. People like me.
Panic subsides. For a bit.
So now, I'm picturing this as my court experience:
This is gonna be fine. Fine.
I even go as far to Google the judge I was assigned to see. Lucky for me, she was a lady judge and had kind eyes.
Juuuust fine.
Kindly, boyfriend agrees to go with me to court for both moral support and because the parking lot of municipal court in downtown Houston doesn't exactly rate high on places you want to go after dark.
So at this point, we pull up and park and I have become completely manic. I am speaking a hundred miles an hour and to be honest, the sheer number of people there was totally freaking me out. TOTALLY.
So boyfriend says, "you have GOT to calm down. Seriously,"
"I know, I'm just really super nervous. I don't do this kind of thing well. I am really scared of the law. I mean really, really. I hate this. Do we have to go in? I would never want to get a real ticket. Like a DUI or something. Dang, that would be so scary. What if you got arrested? Wouldn't you be nervous? Wait, follow those people... right there, in front of us,"
"Why, because they're white?"
"No, their Asian, even better. The peaceful race. Well, except that Virginia Tech guy...was he Asian? Do you think that was just an exception? Asians are generally peaceful, yeah?"
"Stop."
He's right. I'm totally losing my shit and we haven't even gotten inside.
So we walk in. And there's a metal detector and security guards and I am DYING.
**Not an actual picture of where I was, but looks similar. You get the idea. I could barely walk, didn't really cross my mind to take pictures.
Well there's a hundred desks, and stations, and numbers and I'm drawing a total blank. Boyfriend is steering me around, asking the right questions, and I'm just a dead body.
Turns out, I was a day early.
And I get that look.
That look that says, how the HELL could you not know your court date was tomorrow? All of this anxiety and we're not even on the right day?
I have no words.
So then I black out, and next thing I know I'm downstairs in the annex courtroom, which is basically for idiots who miss their previous court date and then .25 percent of people who come a day early.
And no kind eyes lady judge.
Also not an actual photo, but looks exactly like where I was. They are very vocal that no cellphones are allowed in court. Who would break that rule? I sat stoic. Deer in the headlights.
Since there were half a dozen
So then an outside bailiff comes and tells everyone in the back row that there is room in another courtroom and we would be going there, to speed things up a bit.
But!
Grandpa!
So we march like prisoners to the next courtroom and my blood pressure soars. This judge was the wicked witch of the west and was yelling at people who went up to her stand, questioning them, holding them accountable, not taking bullshit. Just overall being way intense.
Aaaaand there I was. In front of Oz.
"Proof of Texas driver's license and registration."
I hand her my pathetic Texas paper ID.
"Umm...my registration...is in Oklahoma....and the car, is my parents..."
"I don't have time for this. If you need to work out the details of this case you can request a trial and talk to a prosecutor, "
So now that I feel like a full on felon, my heart is pounding and she's talking faster than I can process any of this.
"Um...ok?"
"How do you plead to speeding?"
"Ummm..ughha.dkfrjd....can I take defensive driving?"
Judges love when you answer a question with a question. Love.
"Proof of insurance."
Here we go.
"This insurance is not in your name,"
"I know...the car...Oklahoma....parent's....."
I don't know if it was the look on my face, or this the part when Oz gets a dose of compassion, but the grinch's heart grew three times that day.
"OK. You know what, I'm going to dismiss the registration ticket. You can defer your speeding ticket, that's a court cost of $200. Since you're under 25, you have to take a defensive driving course as well to get the charge of your record,"
She looks at me, "is that what you want to do?"
"Yes."
At this point, I would have agreed to donate my kidney if I could just leave.
"Ok. You are dismissed to leave."
OOHHHHHHH SWEEEET FREEEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I wrote a check to the City of Houston for one million dollars and parental rights to my first born son and went on my law abiding way.
