Grammy Awards

I realize I haven't really talked about Houston in awhile but with all this pop culture happening it's been pretty hard to focus on anything else. And boy do I mean anything. I hope you watched the Grammy's last night. Because if you didn't, go watch, and then re-read this. Go. I SAID GO. 

The format of this is gonna be a whole lot like the Super Bowl re-cap. Completely random. 


Lady Gaga shows up in a fucking egg. I'm just gonna go ahead and say it, Gaga, we're over. You are just too damn weird to be relatable. It's not me, it's definitely you. She has completely put herself in a realm where instead of being interested in what she's doing, I'm just annoyed. I just sit there and my brain does somersaults and I JUST DON'T GET IT. 

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I like my pop star to be a little slutty, a lot sparkly, with a side of sex tape and/or quickie marriage -- hold the political agenda. 

Let me explain. 

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 And

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 Finally, 

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You get the idea. Pretty sure Britney's snake, two babes making out, and Jennifer's epic cleavage is not making me think about America's problems. It's making me think about famousness.

The only thing good about Gaga's underwhelming performance was that it was at the beginning of the show. This gave me enough time to recoup and center myself for Eminem, Rihanna, and Baby Beiber. Although I did like her pink ponytail, and I would like to know where I can get one. Also, I'll give it to her, sista Gaga has a very smokin' bod. Honey, those abs. Enough with the compliments. All in all, I'm worn out of Gagapalooza. On to the next...

Drake, you're a cutie. I am pro guys bringing their moms as dates to red carpet events. Swoon.

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Men's fashion has taken a turn that I'm really not on board with. The new tuxedo pants are a little too Euro and a lot too revealing. If I can see the outline of your bits, maybe go a size up? I'm sorry, I just can't picture boyfriend and his gorilla-ness squeezing into some skinny tux pants. I think he would die of discomfort and Hulk-style rip them off due to suffocation of, well, the bits. Ricki Martin, however, was an entire different story. This, to me, says business on top, party on the bottom, combat on the floor. You go girl. Moral of the story: unless you're Ricki Martin, stick to regular slacks.

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John Mayer. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. NOOOOO!!! If Johnny Depp can't pull it off, neither can you. COMEON. Remember when Mayer was hot? Probably not, because it was like 2001.

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Have I mentioned my fascination with everything Kardashian? Well I think Rob Kardashian looks JUST like my brother. And sometimes, I pretend he really is my brother and that I am Kim K. See picture below. Imagine me as Kim. Holy shit I'm glamorous.

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Usher is to Baby Beiber as Dr. Dre is to Eminem. Basically the same exact mentor/child relationship going on here. I adore it.

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And speaking of cuties, say what you will about Baby Beiber, (boyfriend had some not so nice things to say about this little twerp) but I think he's a doll. I am a Hanson girl myself, but I get it. Look at him, he looks like he's going to the prom. A white tuxedo. Classic.

 

How many kids does Will Smith have?

 Miley Cyrus, you're a hot mess. Ticking time bomb, anyone?

Katy Perry, we cool. I dig this girl. And for some reason, I like these two together. She brought her grandma to the Grammy's for crying out loud. I need to go have a beer with Katy Perry. She can bring her wings. 

And speaking of people who are completely bad ass, Eminem, I don't get sick of you. There is just something about this guy. Do you ever wonder about Hailie? She must be so big by now. 

Look what we have here. Who knew they nominated cheaters for a Grammy? You remember my sentiments about Ben Roethlisberger at the Super Bowl? Well the entire Grammy's all I wanted for LeAnn Rimes was for her high heel to snap in half and for her to look really, really fat. Neither happened. But she did cheat on her husband. She'll get hers. Suck it LeAnn, I'd rather have dinner with Gaga.

And now, for what the awards really aren't about, the actual Grammy's. 

Best new artist - who are you?

Arcade Fire - what are you? And why are there so many of you?

Lady Antebellum - Couldn't you share?

 Lady Gaga - Why? Also, I can see your nipples.

I have no idea who else won.