On Being Positive

Hello, Strangers.

I've been on a bit of a positive kick lately trying to see the sunny side. As a writer, female, anxiety-ridden person, this doesn't come naturally. Because I'm being positive, I decided to sit down and think about all the positive things about my significant other. Not in a cheesy way, and not in a pros/cons list way, but inspired by the fact sometimes I can get really worked up over the negatives. And sometimes blood spews out of my eyes and I get upset about whats 'wrong' in the relationship other than focusing on what's right.

And sometimes it's during a certain time of the month and don't fuck. with. me.

Alas, a list. A list of all the groovy things about boyfriend that keep me coming back for more. Less blood spewing out of eyes, more thumbs up. Of course, all the token things like honest, caring, affectionate, hawt are assumptions, these are the non-conventional reasons I enjoy boyfriend as human + domestic partner.

1. He's nice to children. Boyfriend has a really sweet, kind way with kids. Not in a 'OMG he will be SuCh A GoOd Daddy!' way but more like, if you're nice to young children you're probably a decent human overall. The opposite is also true. If you're mean to young children, I believe you should sit in a chair and have all your fingernails pulled off, publicly.

2. He appreciates fashion. This one is more important than meets the eye. I have a tendency to enjoy handbags that may or may not be dangerously close to what I get paid in a month, but boyfriend doesn't judge. He can appreciate a nice pair of shoes, jeans or handbag without being all "THOSE JEANS COST HOW MUCH? I can buy that at (insert trashy department store here. Think: Kohls, Steinmart, JCP) for $14.99" Which is good for me because it will be less of a culture shock to him when I join the cast of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

3. He appreciates a bargain, but not in a psycho cheap bastard way. This one is related to number three in that he appreciates getting a lower cost for something, but not to the degree that he's clipping coupons or stiffing the waitress on her tip. He appreciates that I found $13 Paige jeans at TJ Maxx. More importantly, he knows what that means. By the same token, he's not expecting me to continue to pay $13 for jeans. Don't get used to this $13 jeans thing, buddy.

4. He is a good tipper. Nothing makes my skin crawl more than a bad tipper. Even if the waitress spilled water on your jeans (that weren't $13) or messed up your order or took forever, tip at least 20 percent.

5. He notices. As a woman and a schizophrenic (one of those is true), I like to try new-ish things. By new-ish I mean I have commitment problems and can only adjust minor things. I got two highlights in my hair a month ago. TWO. highlights. and they were way under and hidden. Boyfriend noticed. I changed up the way I put eyeshadow on, and he's all "something new?" I feel skinny one day and he's like "you look great!" Ever have one of those days where you changed your part or mascara and no one at work notices all day and you're like assholes you don't appreciate anything but then I get home and boyfriend notices and all is right with the world.

6. He eats well/works out. I tend to be a little judge-y when I see a fatty scarfing down a burger + fries + largest big gulp on earth. I like to eat well and then sometimes it's all about cake. But in general, I appreciate fruits and vegetables and I enjoy that boyfriend thinks so too. He also works out which is good for me because 1. its motivating and 2. mama's got to have some eye candy.

7. He likes music. I'll admit, I really don't give a rats ass about music. I enjoy music and generally like what I hear but I'm not looking at tour schedules and I don't have iTunes on my phone. I'm sure as shit not reading lyrics and I don't like concerts. Boyfriend loves music. And even though I don't really care, he generally has good taste and my ears are happy. Sometimes, he even drags me to concerts. $12 beers are good for your soul.

8. He does chores. Laundry, dishes, mopping, vaccuming - he ain't skerd.

9. He puts the seat down. Let's get real. On the wrong day, in the wrong mood, an up toilet seat can really make you go ape shit. I grew up with brothers. Toilet seat up = head spinning around body in violent rage.

10. He doesn't care what people think. People say this all the time, I don't care what anyone thinks - I think 10 percent of the people that say that actually mean it. I didn't really understand what it meant to not care what people think until I met boyfriend. While hollering across Target, "WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE ORANGES? FUCK! HAHA!" is a little agressive, generally the not caring what people think works in my favor.

11. He's a great judge of character. To the degree that when he has an opinion about someone and I disagree, I eventually circle around and realize he was right from the get-go. Nothing makes me more furious.

12. He's nice to old people. See number one. Nice to old people = going to heaven.

13. He knows how to dress. And he's open to my criticisms when he looks like a clown. He's a good dresser overall and 99 percent of the time what he picks out I like. 1 percent of the time he picks up something foul and he values my opinion to burn the shirt.

14. He's a do-er. Boyfriend works hard and does everything with gusto. He likes going, going, going which is good for me unless Real Housewives are on and he wants to crawl on the ceiling because what will we do next????

15. He thinks I'm pretty. And not just because he has to. Because I'm vain, I ask him sometimes, 'would you think I was pretty if you didn't date me?' and he always says yes. So it's got to be true.

16. He flosses. I thought about this the other night. He was flossing and it hit me, you fucking floss. Again, I grew up with brothers and flossing, brushing teeth, wearing deoderant, not wearing the clothes you slept in, etc. doesn't always come naturally to the Amreican man. Dental hygine and showering on the reg is an art that not all have perfected, but when it's good, it's so so good.

16 is a weird number to stop at but I'm exhausted. I like compliments too.